the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize