Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
