so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
