I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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