just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
