I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
