I wanna bring you to show and tell
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
