U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
