the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
