just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
