yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
