I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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