Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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