As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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