Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
