Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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