i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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