How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
