the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
