hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
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Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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