please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
