i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
organizing the empties. That sober.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
