i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
