Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
