The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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