His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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