It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Randomize
