my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
