btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
