the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
