For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
sex in a hospital.. check
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
