Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
