your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Buhtt sex?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
