Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
