Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
