Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
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Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
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You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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