There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He better not be in your backpack
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
