she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
