so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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