sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I need help removing her.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
