I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
