Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
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I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
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And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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