I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
