I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
