I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
