Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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