the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
