Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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