look no pants
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
