god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
