last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
