I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My cat gives me a boner
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
