I will die if light touches me.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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