The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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