I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You're like the curious george of whores
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
