you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
