last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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