you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I think my moral compass just broke
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
