if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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