I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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