hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
God I need to hump something, right now.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
