I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
