I cannot find my penis.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
