Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
