just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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