hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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