whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
