I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize