Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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