I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
