We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
