There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
