You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
