you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
